he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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