Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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