His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
