I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
