I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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