I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
