Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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