There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
