The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
