you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
