just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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