seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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