paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
