Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
