someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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