Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
