I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
