True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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