Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
