so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the condom got lost in my hair
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
