Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
