He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
