i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
