girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
