I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
