Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
