Even the bartender felt bad for me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
