Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
