i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
