my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
