Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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