I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
