she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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