ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
