Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
