i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
