oh god the rape fog is back!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
