i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
