got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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