So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
