Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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