suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
