i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm always down for nudity.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
