Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
