does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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