just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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