That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
