We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
