I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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