I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
