God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
