I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
