if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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