He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
