awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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