I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
