I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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