maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
