We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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