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i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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