How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
