We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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