I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
